Death Proof

deathproofHere on the Oxfraud University Campus, as temperatures rise and the holidays begin, the deadline for another of our internationally famous, rollover scholarships heaves into view.

The excitement over the 2013 Magellan Medal, awarded for proving that 16c Italians liked to sail from Verona to Milan has come and gone and the now gigantic prize lies unclaimed for the 33rd year. The rollover total stands at a whopping $123.48.

Once again, this year saw no completely convincing submission but we have decided to grant a Merit Award to Wilhemina St Boniface whose idea that you could use a space sail, the gravitational pull of the moon AND the canals on Mars is one of the best so far submitted. Lucky Wilhemina wins the Complete Works of Roger Stritmatter.

The Tarantino Death Proof Coupling Award

Next up is the Tarantino Death Proof Coupling Award which now stands at vouchers worth $229.22, redeemable at the technical college of your choice or Wal-Mart (food only). Professor McScotty is overseeing entries this year, which must be in his pigeon hole before opening time on Saturday 31st of September 2013.

To win this longstanding challenge you need to find, anywhere in Oxford's undisputed verse or prose, a death proof coupling, a combination of less than six words which are still in use today, in the same order and with the same meaning. Examples from hundreds of death proof couplings in Shakespeare's work given below. If we can find just one in Oxford's work, can you imagine what those Stratfordian faces will look like? Ashen. That's right.

The enormous cash value of the award means that the highest probative standards apply to all entries. Never forget The Golden Rule of Oxfordian Scholarship. Ten seconds checking on Wikipedia can save an hour backpedalling in The Guardian Comments Pages. So check for clichés as negative marking will apply to any submitted  

You may earn marks for discovering new Death Proof Couplings in the canon that no one has so far noticed. Ask yourself 'Are they really Death Proof if no one knows about them'. If they cannot be found in The Orthodox Encyclopaedia of Orthodox Oxfordian Orthodoxy (or on politicworm) and you are still sure you are on to something, you can avoid disappointment by getting your coupling certified death proof by Professor Sprout of the Literary Detection Faculty when he returns from rehab. 

No marks will be awarded for saying 'The Earl wrote everything of note in the 16c' or 'The Earl wrote them all anyway'. 


Death Proof Couplings

all that glisters is not gold..................barefaced.................. be all and end all.............break the ice............. breathe one’s last.................. brevity is the soul of wit.................. catch a cold.................. clothes make the man.................. disgraceful conduct.................. dog will have his day.................. eat out of house and home..................elbowroom ............. fair play............. foregone conclusion............. give the devil his due.................. green eyed monster............. heart of gold..................heartsick..................hot-blooded housekeeping............. it’s Greek to me............. lacklustre.............leapfrog............. live long day.............long-haired..................method in his madness............. mind’s eye............. ministering angel.................. more sinned against than sinning................. naked truth................. neither a borrower nor a lender be................. one fell swoop............. pitched battle............. strange bedfellows..................the course of true love never did run smooth................ the lady doth protest too much.................. the milk of human kindness.................. to thine own self be true.................. too much of a good thing.................. towering passion.................. wear one’s heart on one’s sleeve.............witching time of the night.............brave new world................. bated breath..................not budge an inch................. The better part of valor is discretion.................. hoist with his own petard................. I am constant as the northern star................. In my mind’s eye..................In my heart of hearts.................. Laid on with a trowel.................. Pomp and circumstance.................. Something wicked this way comes..................That way madness lies.................. The be-all and end-all..................

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Comments (2)

  • Hairy_Lime's picture

    It was juvenalia!  Surely you do not expect poetry from Oxenford's salad days - when he was green of judgment - to be as good as the poetry after Oxenford underwent his sea-change, and his beard was as white as snow do you?  Seeking mature works from a mere lad would be a wild goose chase.  It would be a sorry sight indeed.  I mean, give the devil his due, don't give him short shrift, you'll have the Oxenfraudian universe up in arms!  

    By the way, I am not sure, but "the course of true love never did run smooth" may have a touch more than six words.

    Jul 18, 2013
  • alfa-16's picture

    Well, you know what sticklers for detail we are, here at Oxfraud University. I have discussed your contention with Professor Stretch of the Oxfraudian Math Faculty.

    He is willing to admit the possibility that "the course of true love never did run smooth" may indeed contain more than six words and he has promised to include a 2 hour seminar on the subject in next term's 'Oxfraudian Probabilities 603’.

    Virtue being it's own reward, I have enrolled you.

    Jul 18, 2013