Here on the Oxfraud University Campus, as temperatures rise and the holidays begin, the deadline for another of our internationally famous, rollover scholarships heaves into view.
The excitement over the 2013 Magellan Medal, awarded for proving that 16c Italians liked to sail from Verona to Milan has come and gone and the now gigantic prize lies unclaimed for the 33rd year. The rollover total stands at a whopping $123.48.
Once again, this year saw no completely convincing submission but we have decided to grant a Merit Award to Wilhemina St Boniface whose idea that you could use a space sail, the gravitational pull of the moon AND the canals on Mars is one of the best so far submitted. Lucky Wilhemina wins the Complete Works of Roger Stritmatter.
The Tarantino Death Proof Coupling Award
Next up is the Tarantino Death Proof Coupling Award which now stands at vouchers worth $229.22, redeemable at the technical college of your choice or Wal-Mart (food only). Professor McScotty is overseeing entries this year, which must be in his pigeon hole before opening time on Saturday 31st of September 2013.
To win this longstanding challenge you need to find, anywhere in Oxford's undisputed verse or prose, a death proof coupling, a combination of less than six words which are still in use today, in the same order and with the same meaning. Examples from hundreds of death proof couplings in Shakespeare's work given below. If we can find just one in Oxford's work, can you imagine what those Stratfordian faces will look like? Ashen. That's right.
The enormous cash value of the award means that the highest probative standards apply to all entries. Never forget The Golden Rule of Oxfordian Scholarship. Ten seconds checking on Wikipedia can save an hour backpedalling in The Guardian Comments Pages. So check for clichés as negative marking will apply to any submitted
You may earn marks for discovering new Death Proof Couplings in the canon that no one has so far noticed. Ask yourself 'Are they really Death Proof if no one knows about them'. If they cannot be found in The Orthodox Encyclopaedia of Orthodox Oxfordian Orthodoxy (or on politicworm) and you are still sure you are on to something, you can avoid disappointment by getting your coupling certified death proof by Professor Sprout of the Literary Detection Faculty when he returns from rehab.
No marks will be awarded for saying 'The Earl wrote everything of note in the 16c' or 'The Earl wrote them all anyway'.